Is Drama Draining your team?
Relationship management is a core part of improving our emotional intelligence so I want to talk about something that many of my clients struggle with. In my experience the number one issue that kills productivity and scalability on a team is drama that is actually codependence.
Now, I know this word is loaded and emotionally charged. Usually it's the elephant in the room no one will talk about. So I want to be really clear. I am talking about the relationship dynamic where people in the company, usually the folks at the top, fall into a pattern of victim, villain, and rescuer. This is known as Karpman's Dreaded Drama Triangle, but I think it should be called the Dreaded Drama Downward Spiral because the toxic dynamic usually feeds on itself, coiling tighter as it gets worse.
At the start, this codependent pattern is not that different from a healthy relationship:
Someone struggles.
Someone notices that there is a problem.
Someone jumps into help
The striking difference between the two types of relationships is mindset. And a really quick way to figure out if what you are dealing with is to check for BLAME- because victims are helpless and blameless. Persecutors point the finger and assign blame. Rescuers are self-sacrificing and overly helpful as they protect and defend the victims from blame. Blame divides the team and limits the individuals.
The way to end the blame game is through The Empowerment Dynamic (TED). Victims become Creators, Persecutors become Challengers, Rescuers become Coaches. Why? When you are empowered- you can respond. You aren't defenseless. When you see others as empowered you know that they can handle being challenged. You see they need coaching not rescuing. And when you help them, you are doing it with them not for them. Each role adds to the integrity of the team.
Now, here's the good news about that downward spiral I mentioned before- there is a way out. Without having to blow up the framework entirely and rebuild, you can just turn it around and climb up. You aren't trapped in a closed loop.
Start here. Recognize that you have a choice every time.
How will you react to a situation?
Does responsibility mean taking the blame or able to take action and make a difference?
Will you seek advice and offer coaching?
Will you be open to challenges?
Will you expect and support others to do the same?
One decision at a time, you and your team can work your way out of the involution to healthier patterns that promote growth, trust and results.